


Thyme

by ImperialMint



Series: silence speaks for me [eruri week 2013] [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 07:08:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1103925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImperialMint/pseuds/ImperialMint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Day Four of Eruri Week: Trust</p><p>A trust exercise gone wrong shows Levi he'd always had the very thing he craved. Sometimes it takes a little push to see what is already there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thyme

**Author's Note:**

> Written for day fourof Eruri week! Day four's theme was 'trust'
> 
> I am so behind on these, but I have ideas for all of the prompts. I will be late in posting the last ones, but they will be done! The last one is looking pretty long too, it's an idea I've had for a while. 
> 
> This is un-betaed so any mistakes are my own and I'd appreciate that if any are found that they be pointed out!

It was a training exercise. Levi looked at the other recruits, ignoring Moblit and Hange off to the side, Hange already getting on with the task. She fell back into Moblit’s arms and laughed as he caught her.

“Trust exercises,” Levi deadpanned, shooting a disturbed look at Erwin. It had been his stupid idea in the first place and Levi had been vocal about how ridiculous he thought this was.

“Shadis trained our latest recruits up nicely,” Erwin said, stretching out his arm and waving his fingers for Levi to turn around. “Since we’ve had some drastic losses, someone suggested that we enlist in some trust exercises to bond more and Shadis had some wonderful tips.”

Erwin’s mouth twisted and Levi rooted himself to the ground. The fucker was enjoying this. Levi wouldn’t have been surprised to find out that Erwin had planned this just because Levi had made an arm joke once or twice.

Someone had needed to lighten up the mood, after all. 

“But fucking this?” Levi nodded his head to where Moblit was muttering under his breath and closing his eyes tightly, praying to whatever deity he could think of that Hange would catch him.

“Moblit trusts Hange,” Erwin said, shrugging his shoulders and Levi glared at him. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Levi said, turning around and crossing his arms over his chest. “You fucking know I trust you. You’re the only one-“ he cut himself off and let his hands fall to his side, closing his eyes tightly. He didn’t need to go down that particular path right now.

“I promise to catch you,” Erwin said, his voice low and for Levi’s ears only. Of course Levi knew he’d catch him, but the point was that even if Erwin didn’t, Levi would still let himself fall.

Levi inhaled sharply, letting the scent of dry earth and something indescribable (Erwin – not even Mike had been able to decipher exactly what made Erwin Erwin) filling his chest and giving him courage. Trust was a barbed emotion, unlike fighting titans. He was told to fight titans; he had to tell himself to trust Erwin.

Erwin’s arm caught him as he fell, just as Levi knew it would. Despite being at a supposed disadvantage due to his missing limb, Erwin was stronger than over half the recruits hurling themselves at their partners. He’d always been strong and one arm was more than enough to support Levi.

“Thanks,” he muttered, standing quickly and brushing imaginary dust from his jacket. “Now your turn.”

Erwin was silent as he moved and Levi licked his lips, stretching his hands out. He’d supported Erwin before and knew he was strong enough to handle him. Levi would never forgive himself if he didn’t catch Erwin anyway and there was no way that he could fail. Erwin had named him Captain with honour and called him friend with warmth. Levi was not going to betray such trust from his Commander.

“Ready?” Erwin asked softly, turning his head to look at Levi. Levi nodded, holding his arms out.

Erwin took a half-step back before he fell and time slowed. Levi braced himself, bending his knees slightly and waiting for Erwin to enter his arm’s reach. 

As he landed against Levi’s arm, Levi realised his judgement had slipped. He’d been so focused on proving that Erwin could trust him that he’s been thinking of Erwin how he had been, not now he was anymore. His hand came out to catch Erwin’s arm, yet met nothing but thin air. 

And Erwin hit the ground with an audible thump. The training ground paused in its entirety, eyes wide as they stared at Levi’s mistake. His own eyes were wide and heart pounded loudly in his chest, brain not quite managing to grasp exactly what had happened. 

Erwin pushed himself up off the ground, dust coating one side of him. He rubbed the side of his ribs he had landed on, nodding for onlookers to get back to their own exercise before he turned to Levi.

“I need to take a shit,” Levi said suddenly, though he felt more sick than anything. He needed to get away from Erwin, get away from the still-curious looks of his soldiers and fucking hide from what he’d done. 

“Levi-“ Erwin began, but Levi was already marching away from the grounds, ignoring the worried look Hange sent him and the way Eren ducked out of his path as he passed. They knew how to leave him when he was in a mood, they understood him that much.

But what Levi had always wanted wasn’t understanding. He’d always wanted trust – always wanted Erwin to trust him the way he trusted Erwin – yet it had never been his. And why should it be? He’d just proved he could fuck everything up. Take Levi away from his blades and high walls and there was nothing left but a worthless shell.

He understood now why Erwin didn’t feel the same way as Levi did for him.

The grounds they’d picked had been stationed near Levi’s new base and he moved through the kitchen like a ghost, breezing straight to his room. He closed the door slowly behind him, sitting on the bed and removing his shoes slowly.

He’d always been Erwin’s. From the moment he’d saw him and Erwin had knelt in a puddle (one that was most likely septic, Underground Sina was covered in shit from head to toe), he’d been Erwin’s. It had taken Levi a while to realise it, and a few painful memories, but he’d always been Erwin’s.

But Erwin had never been his. Levi had been there to support Erwin, he’d killed titans like no other (though not for a shallow reason as to impress his Commander – Levi wanted to help humanity win this war and he had to be the best, why not use every talent he could?) and could keep up with the fuckwits of the Military Police. He’d been informed of plans concerning the female titan and privy to more than a few other plans. 

Levi had seen Erwin naked, clothed him a few times when the man had been injured, a favour Erwin had returned in kind, and they’d even sought relief from each other occasionally. Neither had time for anything more than occasionally (though, for Levi, that wasn’t enough), and Levi knew no one else had ever come close to the relationship he shared with Erwin.

But he hadn’t been there for him. Erwin often attended military functions alone, returning exhausted and his manners worn. He commanded an army alone, the burden of loss heavy on his shoulders. 

And, more recently, he’d performed the impossible and used his gear with one arm, slicing through titan as if it had been nothing - or so reports claimed. Erwin had been alone, bleeding out and desperate to hold his mission together. Without him, the mission would have failed before they’d ridden in pursuit. With him, they’d returned Eren to their protection and had acquired a power they could barely comprehend.

Erwin had done that without Levi. He’d done it all without Levi. Levi had needed Erwin for everything and yet Erwin needed him for nothing.

His shoes fell on their sides and Levi sighed, bending to pick them up. When they were upright, he straightened and looked over to the doorframe. He’d heard someone enter the house and had ignored the figure waiting, stomach in knots for putting it off.

“Would you help me rub some salve into my side?” Erwin asked, holding out a small pot. It was a common healing aide, a cooling rub Levi favoured. He’d been missing a tub for a while and it was now clear who had swept it up and stole it.

“The side I damaged, you mean,” Levi said, focusing on the pot. He took it anyway, unscrewing the lid and letting the mint fragrance block Erwin’s from his senses.

“The side the ground damaged. And it’s only a little bruised, I’ve had far worse from being pushed around in the food hall.” It was a joke, but Erwin had never been terribly good at jokes. It fell flat and Levi just stood, nodding for Erwin to lie on the bed.

Levi pushed Erwin’s shirt up, ignoring the odd feeling he had whenever he looked at Erwin’s missing arm. No, it wasn’t a missing arm. Missing meant it could come back and Erwin’s arm was probably rotting somewhere, if not encased in hardened titan vomit. Erwin had only one arm now, one arm and a stump.

“It bothers you,” Erwin said softly, hand propping up his head as he watched Levi work.

Levi didn’t respond at first, more focused on rubbing the cream on Erwin’s red skin. None of it was broken and Erwin had been right in saying he’d probably experiences worse in the food hall alone, but that didn’t change the fact that Levi was the cause of this injury.

“It bothered me at first. Well, at first when I woke up. It bothered me greatly when we were on the mission, but I had the mission to focus on and a lost arm seemed a pretty good deal instead of dying.” Erwin drummed his fingers on his cheek and Levi scooped some more cream from the pot, screwing the lid back on after he’d done so.

“But it still bothers you.” This time Erwin’s voice held no chance of Levi ignoring him. His voice was low, a voice that only Levi heard, and his hands stilled their circular motion, resting in the dip of Erwin’s ribs, feeling him breath, feeling him live.

“I forgot,” Levi admitted, thinking back to the training field and how his hand had slipped, reaching to grab an imaginary arm. “I forgot you didn’t have an arm.”

Gently, Erwin sat up and removed Levi’s fingers from his ribs. He pulled his shirt down, not bothering to tuck it in, and sighed, tilting his head up to look at the ceiling.

“Easy mistake to make,” he commented lightly, closing his eyes. “I still go to do things with it and it’s only when I realise what I wanted to happen hasn’t happened that it’s gone.”

Erwin lay back again, flat on his back and hand resting on his belly. He was unusually relaxed, wisps of hair free of their hold and kissing his forehead. It was the closest to dishevelled Levi had seen since Erwin had been free of his hospital bed.

“You miscalculated, that’s all. It’s hard, but we all do it sometimes.” Levi fought the urge to scoff. Erwin wasn’t the type to miscalculate (but then Levi remembered the arm, and wasn’t this a magical circle of forgetting and remembering too late?). “Why did it bother you so much during that exercise?”

Even with only one arm, Erwin never pulled punches. Levi smiled bitterly to himself before letting his back grace the mattress, mirroring Erwin and staring at the ceiling. His heart pounded in his ears and Levi thought his stomach might split with the butterflies inside.

“Please,” Erwin said, turning his head to look at Levi. His voice sounded so young and weightless and it was almost too much for Levi to bear. He would shed his deepest secrets if Erwin continued. He wasn’t a man to say please for what he wanted, but for just the word, Levi would deliver him the world.

“Because I trust you,” Levi said softly. “I’d give you the world if it was in my reach. I’d do whatever you commanded without question, have done, and would give my life if you asked me to.”

Erwin made a small noise in the back of his throat and turned his head to share Levi’s view. Levi’s heart was still pounding and he waited for Erwin’s reply, hands curled tightly into fists at his side and toes pressed against each other in anticipation.

“I wouldn’t ask it of you,” Erwin said finally. The words came out thick and clunky, as if Erwin wasn’t sure how to phrase himself or say what he meant. Levi had never heard him like this, never seen him slip from the perfect man the world perceived him to be.

“I trust you to come back alive when I send you into hell,” Erwin said, voice barely more than a murmur. 

Levi turned to him, eyes wide and lips apart. All educated words fell from his brain and his heart felt like it might soar from his chest. Erwin trusted him?

“I trust you more than I trust myself,” Erwin continued, rolling onto his side and touching Levi’s hand gently. Levi let him take it, entwining their fingers.

“If you were the sort, I’d keep you hidden from the world in a little village and demand an early retirement.” The words were empty; Erwin would never let the titans win and neither would Levi, but these were just what-ifs. What-ifs were akin to fairy tales.

“Just because you didn’t catch me doesn’t mean I don’t trust you,” Erwin said, voice returning to its normal influence, firm and full of assurance. It melted any restraint Levi still had and he curled into Erwin, clutching his hand and smiling to himself.

Sometimes it took something seemingly bad to show the good.


End file.
